No Tears This Time

Sitting at the airport I’m reminiscing about the last time I was here…just a few months ago actually. Newly separated, no sleep, feeling empty, I walked into the airport and felt like I was the only one there. As crowded and noisy as an airport could be, it was so quiet to me, I swear I could hear my heartbeat. I literally cried from walking into the airport till I reached my destination. Did people turn their heads and look at me? Of course they did, I was crying so badly you would’ve thought I was just at a funeral. When you’re that wounded, you could careless what people think.

That was the first time I was traveling without my husband by my side. I’ll admit, I felt guilty and like there was something missing. How could I not…we went everywhere together.
My getaway at that time was suppose to be nothing but fun in the sun, to get my mind off things, to aid in my healing process. But…how are you suppose to enjoy yourself with a broken heart? Well…you don’t, plain and simple. As much as I tried not to, I literally cried everyday, never got out of pajamas, and wasted all the breathtaking scenery around me because of my sadness. Talk about a waste, I just didn’t have it in me to enjoy myself, I really did try.
This time around months have past, things have changed, and though I’m not as strong as I’d like to be I’m in a better place. Being separated has taught me so much about what I need to do for me, all I have in my life, which people matter the most, & if someone has to choose between you and something or someone else it’s better to let them go. If a person really loves you…there would NOT be any choices to make, YOU would be it. As much as you’d like to shake someone to wake up and realize what they’ll lose, it’s impossible to make someone realize they’re on the verge of losing every single thing they’ve always wanted. You can’t fix damaged people even if you love them with all your might.

I’m sitting in the airport right now, with butterflies of excitement in my tummy and a smile so big it looks painted on face. I can not wait to smell that coastal breeze, feel the sand between my toes, drink margaritas made with homegrown limes, wake up to golden sunrises, go to bed after fiery sunsets, and most of all be with my bestie who’s like a sister to me and her boys that are my nephews. I know good karma is on my side because I gave with all my heart and soul and without expecting ANYTHING in return.

My family is my never ending strength that loves me unconditionally no matter what decisions I make, my close friends keep my grounded and help me see different views on things, and the new acquaintances that have entered into my life have been a breath of nothing but laughs and positive fresh air. Life isn’t perfect, but the people that are in mine make it pretty close and that in itself makes ME shine beautifully.

April M. Monterrosa is a Proud Latina from San Antonio, Texas, a Military wife, the mama of a dachshund, a licensed Cosmetologist of 18 years, & Owner of The Lil Spa Room,  PCA Skin Chemical Peel certified, a Nuskin Skin Care Distributor, & freelance beauty writer. With beauty & blogging being such passions, Shine Beautifully was born. Shine Beautifully will feature beauty tips, home remedies, quotes, poetry, recipes, personal stories, & travel adventures. Don’t forget to subscribe!