Today would have been my 5th year wedding anniversary. 5 years was supposed to lead to forever. That’s not what has happened, sad to say. Today since the early hours of the morning, I received texts, phone calls, and messages of friends and family checking on me to see if I was ok; if I was sad, having a meltdown, or anything of that nature. I honestly thought I was going to be filled with tears today; I thought I was going to sit at home, cry my eyes out, and feel like life just sucked. I got up this morning, got ready for work, and went about my day. When I thought about what today meant… it brought back the memories of how heartbroken I was. It made me think of all the crying, fighting, hiding, pretending, vomiting, losing myself, and all that came with me finally making my move to set myself free from misery. I felt lucky, blessed even; that I am no longer in that phase of my divorce. I wish that pain on no one. I wake up in the morning and feel lucky to have my family alive and well; no matter what, they support my every move and love me unconditionally. I have wonderful friends that have been there for me through the good and the horrible times and have been such a huge support system. My passion is what I do for a living and while hustling a door to a new one was opened. Someone unexpectedly came into my life that made me feel beautiful again, made me laugh, which I hadn’t done in quite a while, reminded me of myself worth, that even though I was wounded, love exists, and reminded me of how high my standards are…I guess sometimes serendipity comes in human form.
I am no longer angry at who or what once was. In fact, I appreciate all that came out of it; I have grown so much as a person and have a clearer vision of what I want my life to be and the kind of people I want in it. The bonds I had with my loved ones are stronger, I was shown the type of person I would never want to be, and most of all I now know what it’s like to love someone to the core with everything that you have and are invested in them. I wish my ex nothing but the best; I hope he finds what he’s looking for. No matter what happened between us, I know there was a time I was put on a pedestal and loved, I taught him what family was truly about, and not only did I get to finally know what it felt like to have someone to experience life with, I got a beautiful step-daughter out of it too. So, I now lift my glass and propose a toast…to love, life, and all that we go through that makes us who we are…here I am 5 years later, celebrating all that I’ve overcome.
Thursday thoughts are a series to share my random and personal thoughts with my readers so that they will get to know me a bit more. We all have a different outlook on life, feelings, emotions, and sense of humor. My Thursday thoughts series is just for fun, sharing, is therapeutic for me, and to make you think of things yourself.
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