Thursday Thoughts is a weekly series to share my random and personal thoughts with my readers so that they will get to know me a bit more; the series is just for fun, sharing, is therapeutic for me, and to make you think of situations yourself. Hope you enjoy and check out past Thursday Thoughts at the end of this blog.
We all become who we are as individuals due to childhood upbringing, adolescent experiences, and all the choices and changes in our adulthood. Coming from a very loving family, I treat everyone with the upmost respect, open to accepting all walks of life, and have never met a stranger once. As for those dear to my heart, I love them with all that I am…not one of them gets treated differently either. Becoming an auntie, step-mom, and being married to someone that came from a family with no emotional connection, it’s really made me see things in myself, others, and made me realize who I was, became, and who I want to be. Those that knew me in the past and see the person I have become now may say I have softened up, weakened, and maybe even become sensitive. I no longer have walls, guarded, jaded, or bail out of relationships when I feel too much. Truth is I’ve learned to appreciate all that I have, those that have been by my side, and want to live life with heart, nothing more, nothing less.
What has been rather difficult for me now that I allow myself to get close to people, is how to deal with those that can’t accept the love that you give them. When someone isn’t shown love, felt loved, and/or in a loveless relationship for a long time, they sometimes have no idea how to handle and accept when love is freely given to them, some may even feel undeserving or just plain scared to be broken again. I am fearless, open-minded, and open-hearted…but what do you do when all you have to offer isn’t reciprocated, appreciated, or even considered? All relationships have boundaries, it’s up to us to decide where those boundaries lie, should they be crossed, and if so, are we prepared to deal with the aftermath. We all have wants, needs, and our own selfishness; but when we are wrapped up in a moment of strong emotional connection, is it possible to shut off those feelings when not? Some people can easily enjoy all the perks of a relationship without investing any feeling at all, unfortunately this isn’t the case for most of us. Especially when the “relationship” is positive, drama free, and gotten better through time. So what happens when one side develops feelings for the other party and it’s not mutual? More times than not, when the subject is brought up it becomes a heated discussion.
When these matters of the heart are brought to light, you can’t exactly be shocked that it’s not what you want to hear, that goes for either side. One side usually is more compassionate and willing to give more while the other fights dirty, closes themselves off, and even spews verbiage that does not match their prior actions. Those that fight dirty are usually a little too overprotective of their hearts, jaded from a past relationship, don’t give you a fair chance, yet, want relationship perks without a label. As cliché as a label is, sometimes it gives peace of mind. Those that take all they are given and give back in spurts are only cheating themselves out of an opportunity to be loved in full. Once boundaries such as these are crossed…there is no going back to square one and starting over, at least not right away and sometimes it brings out what people really want from each other, all or nothing. That’s where you walk a fine line, do you take a chance by bringing it up or do you just settle to be in limbo.
I am a woman with words to be said, written, and heard, dignity, heart, loyalty, goals, and most of all, standards. I have a lot to offer someone; love, respect, support, fun, family, and all that those things bring. I want someone that can bring the same to the table, fight for me honorably because they know I am a good catch, rather than be treated special inconsistently; baby steps and being honest with your feelings sure beats creating an illusion just to continue getting what you want all while knowing you’re being fallen for. While some of us debate on continuing relationships such as these because some attention is better than none, I encourage you to know your worth and know you deserve more, because everyone that fearless and giving of their heart does.
“As much as you hope for certain situations to be different, you know what goodness you bring; sometimes it’s just not the place you need to be…because if it was, it wouldn’t be so complicated.” ~April Mae Monterrosa
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